And here’s even more needless, over-rated memery, because canines spouting ridiculous proverbs is at the heart of bad comedy. I saw Misogyny Dog on /b/weeks ago, and I guess it was just some spur-of-the-moment outburst someone was having to flush out all the women-hating sentiment that’s been building up in the world. Let’s be honest: plenty of people think of it but not just anyone has the sense to put a mean face and brightly-coloured background to it. I’m going to go out on a limb and say the person who created these was a desperate and troubled individual but that doesn’t mean we can’t all laugh at the effort. Enjoy the sexist, psychotic ravings of Misogyny Dog.
Yup, even more 4chan bandwagoning. I’ve passed by the Courage Wolf meme, yet another Advice Dog spin-off, many times and paid it no mind, but I recently came upon a cache of these images and they not only cracked me up until caffeinated energy drink shot from my nose, they actually made me feel better. Of course, some are just silly; that’s the point of any decent meme, really. But there were a couple that actually stood out to me as being cheesily brilliant and effective, rivaling the teaching’s of some of history’s greatest Stoics. And like any Internet douchebag needlessly inspired by Anonymous’s unintentionally constructive humour, I had to whip up just a few of my own, using recycled metal lyrics, and unoriginal tidbits of personal wisdom. And my balls. Oh yeah. Thanks, Courage Wolf!
So here’s a small sampling of both the inspiring and the cheesey — the first 9 were brought to you by Anonymous, the last 9 are my own attempts at capturing Courage Wolf’s amazing and perfect blend of rage and encouragement.
Well, I finally got off my broke ass and scooted over to the nearest IMAX theatre to catch the much-anticipated Star Trek reboot, and boy has my tolerance for film that doesn’t even try worn thin. I’m not going to snow anyone; I’m a Trekkie. Been since I was a kid. I was raised on the franchise by my nerd father, and properly instructed in the grand and secretive ways of Star Trek Nerd-dom. I’ve seen all the movies in the theatre save for the first ‘Motion Picture’ — I think; I was 4 at the time, maybe I just don’t remember — watched all the spin-off series and their accompanying films. Never attended any conventions, and I don’t currently own or collect any Trek paraphenalia, so maybe I’m a half-assed Trekkie but I keep up on the history and the mythology — unlike the new Star Trek film, which like every other TV-franchise-to-film reboot to come out in recent years seems to begin with the idea that, Hey, it sucked the first time around, we can do it better now. No, no you can’t. Turning something into an action-soaked milquetoast blockbuster with $50M worth of special effects and CGI and $20M worth of headline talent does not make it better. George Lucas proved this when his most hardcore fans put a fatwa out on him for turning an adult space opera into a Disney-esque fantasy romp.
The Onion indirectly did the Trek franchise justice with this mock entertainment review of the new film:
So, this is probably old news for many people but I was just given this link today and could only watch in rage and disgust:
I shouldn’t really even have to elaborate on how ridiculous this whole idea is. First, stop trying to impede the evolution of the English language with your petty political correctness, censorship, and failed attempts at morality. You’re turning the whole damn language gay. And I mean that exactly in the derogatory sense intended. Why? Because our language is evolving, kiddies – adapting to the frivolous social inequities you yourselves have created.
Sorry, but I’m totally in on this craze, and I could not resist. Everytime I see that damn dog battling the sprinkler, I cackle madly and come close to soiling myself. I was also surprised in a moment of crazed inspiration that no one had done this yet — at least not that I had seen. So here is my custom WHARRGARBL!
As an update to my prior post about the ISS Node 3 Naming Contest and Stephen Colbert’s victory, NASA has, quite unsurprisingly, bitched out and opted instead to forego naming the new ISS module either Colbert or Serenity. Instead, NASA has wisely chosen to bestow upon Node 3 the equally unrelated and inappropriate monicker of Tranquility. Supposedly this was done as some kind of homage to the Apollo 11 lunar mission, the 40th anniversary of which will be this July (16th for the launch, 20th for the actual landing), which landed in the Mare Tranquillitatis (Sea of Tranquility). And the soon-to-be-attached Giant Recycle Bin relates to that mission how? Exactly. Just NASA abusing naming conventions once again…
And as a further insult, announced by tonight’s Colbert Report guest, astronaut/NASA bitch proxy Sunita Williams, Stephen Colbert will still gain infamy in space as a piece of orbital exercise equipment. That’s right, folks: the name Colbert will be immortalized as a treadmill, the retardedly-dubbed Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill — the COLBERT. Here’s a clip of the segment from the show:
So as a reward for Stephen Colbert doing his part in what has been announced to be the “International Years of Astronomy” to get the mob interested in space ventures, NASA decided it would be more prudent to flip Colbert’s own mockeries on him and grant visitors to the ISS the dubious pleasure of quipping things like, “Well, I got to go hop on the COLBERT for 20 minutes!” This is really just another in a slew of NASA PR and strategic disasters to which I’ll have to dedicate an entire separate rant, and that have ultimately decided for me to place both my faith and support in both Russia’s and China’s space programs, as both those nations seem signficantly more intent on making actual progress than the USA in space matters. NASA has placed itself in the position of being the cousin-with-Down’s-Syndrome of the federal budget for years and when one of their half-baked publicity stunts backfires, instead of actually taking the path of least resistance, they balked and spurned everyone who actually made an effort to support one of their nation’s causes. Way to show the love, douchebags.
I hope the Russians or Chinese invent a reusable transatmospheric/transorbital spacecraft that surpasses NASA’s dilapidated space shuttles in every way, and they name the first one Enterprise. Seriously, eat a dick, NASA. All you’re good at is blowing up space shuttles, neglecting the technologies that inspire people, like the Hubble Space Telescope, and blaspheming the democratic process. Time for someone who knows what they’re doing to take over.
I’ve been obsessing over this song lately by God Module, entitled “Corpses (A Zombie Love Song)”, off their album Let’s Go Dark (2007). I first heard it on Digital Gunfire and recognized Courtney Bangert’s vocals instantly and was fairly surpised a harsh industrial band like God Module could crank out something so atmospheric and beautiful. You know those songs that just get stuck in your head and you have to listen to them non-stop like you’re exorcising demons? Yeah, that’s been this tune for me the last few weeks. Fortunately my brother, Catatonic, master DJ at EBM-Radio hooked me up with the album and now I have the luxury of listening to this song over and over until I’m thoroughly sick of it. If you don’t yet happen to have the album, I highly recommend tuning into EBM-Radio and requesting the song (Digital Gunfire’s request system is functionally worthless and a needless hassle). It’ll queue up fast. Why is it so beautiful? Well, it’s not gothy at all — it maintains a strict EBM/Industrial sound throughout, a medium pace without droning, and Courtney’s smooth vocals present this almost rosy disposition, full of matter-of-fact romantic overtones without getting mournful or operatic. And best of all, instead of being about some intolerably dispicable and ambiguously gay vampfag romance à la Anne Rice, it’s about frickin zombies, man! Here are the short and sweet lyrics:
There are some things that we can’t explain
Why we didn’t die when we died that day
But one thing I know that’s true
Is that forever I’ll be with you.
Holding your hand while our bodies decay
I’ll be by your side as we waste away
Eating brains by the light of the moon
Forever I’ll be with you
And don’t we all want to be with someone with whom we can share an eternity of brain-eating? It’s so romantical. I seriously just listened to it twice while writing this post. I also love the samples of La Croix from Forever Knight they included. Inspired choice.
So, if you haven’t heard already or don’t care, in which case you’re a complete mongloid because everyone and their mother (who’s a whore) have been reporting or blogging about it, American comedian/writer Stephen Colbert, host of Comedy Central’s The Colbert Report, is leading the voter write-in nominations of possible names for the new ISS module, tentatively referred to as “Node 3″. NASA started the contest one month ago, opening with their own selection of possible names for the module for which users could vote, as well as offering the possibility for voters to suggest their own ideal name. In answer to this challenge, Stephen Colbert, who had already jumped on the space bandwagon late last year by having his DNA digitized and sent into space to be stored on the ISS as part of game developer Richard Garriot’s ridiculous media-whoring stunt, Operation Immortality, encouraged his numerous viewers to nominate his own name as an option, the votes for which then proceeded to skyrocket, demolishing all competition. Watch the drama unfold for yourself:
So, I’ve been inhabiting /b/ on 4chan a bit lately because it’s undeniably a source of some of the ‘Net’s greatest memes (Caturday, anyone?), and occasionally if you linger long enough you’ll be exposed, amongst many of the horrors of the /b/tards, to some real nuggets of comedy. Well, something to crop up that I only noticed recently, started there or on SomethingAwful, another meme-whoring message board, was this Zalgo — also Z҉A҉L҉G҉O̚̕̚, The Nezperdian Hive-Mind of Chaos, He Who Waits Behind The Wall, The Singer Of The Song That Will End The World, etc. — an edit being applied to various comic strips and images in the vein of Lovecraftian horror, only funny. And interesting. So I tried to save as many of the images as possible for posterity because they cracked me up like a drunken schoolgirl. Enjoy Zalgo, for He Comes…
A great friend of mine, Matt Orphan (“The Orphanator”), is returning home to the West Coast after a hiatus in his hometown of Chicago for a few years to get back on his feet. Things were rough for him in California then, as bad as they are for me and many other people now, and I hope it turns out better for him this time around.
